The argument That dissolved

"So I'm arguing with somebody. I don't even know who. Just a shape. A voice. And we're going back and forth about something that felt huge in the dream. Something that mattered. And I'm getting worked up, my chest is tight, I'm talking faster and faster, and I can feel myself gearing up to say the thing. The big thing. The winning thing. And then I stopped. Mid-sentence. Just stopped. And I stood there and looked at this person, this shape, and I thought "I don't want to do this anymore." Not "I'm losing." Not "I give up." Just. I don't want to do this. And the argument dissolved. Not the person. The argument. Just kind of. Fell apart. Like it was made of paper and someone opened a window. And I felt this lightness. This big open feeling in my chest. Like I'd been holding my breath for years and finally let it out. And I looked around and we were in a field. Just a field. Grass and sky. And the person I'd been arguing with was gone. Or maybe they were the grass now. I don't know. I didn't need to know. I sat down in the grass. Just sat. And I could feel the ground under me and the sky over me and I didn't have a single thought in my head. Not one. Just this. Just sitting. And I remember thinking "this is it. This is the thing everyone's talking about." And I wasn't proud of finding it. I wasn't excited. I was just. There. Home. Like I'd been looking for my glasses and they were on my face the whole time. I woke up and I was smiling. Actually smiling. In my sleep. And I lay there and the feeling stayed for a while, this warm quiet thing, and I didn't want to move and break it. I got up eventually. Made coffee. Didn't check my phone. Didn't think about the argument. I don't even know what it was about. That's the thing. I can't remember a single word of it. And it doesn't matter. None of it matters. I sat on my floor that morning and drank my coffee and watched the light come in and I felt okay. Just okay. And okay was everything."